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Ma qui nessuno lo sta accusando di ipocrisia: Mi preme soltanto rispondere alla questione Youtube. Luttazzi, e la Krassner, hanno ragione a far chiudere i video con i suoi monologhi, perché è vero che violano la legge sul diritto d'autore. Potrà sembrare antipatico, e in parte forse lo è anche, ma sta di fatto che è a tutti gli effetti una violazione.

E' come quando Mediaset chiese la chiusura dei video del Grande Fratello. Ci sta, per quanto possa apparire antipatico. Considera oltretutto che è possibile scaricare i video da Youtube, e con un comunissimo programma di editing, è anche possibile montarli, per cui ci si potrebbe trovare tra le mani un intero spettacolo di Luttazzi senza aver sborsato un solo centesimo, e dato che in questo forum si difende giustamente il diritto d'autore per i videogiochi, non vedo perché non lo si dovrebbe fare anche per gli spettacoli comici.

Dai Stef quindi adesso mi dici che hanno tolto quei video non perché Luttazzi è infastidito dalla cosa ma perché ha paura che la gente ci faccia un collage? Lo scopo di quei filmati non è mostrare gli spettacoli di Luttazzi senza pagare, lo scopo è rendere noti certi comportamenti di Luttazzi stesso e per farlo è necessario PER FORZA mostrare anche pezzi di show di Luttazzi. Il diritto all'informazione che fine fà in questo caso?

Magari copiasse da Hicks e Carlin. Copia da Hicks, Calrin, Rock, pure Wodehouse: Ti sei bevuto una cosa del genere solo perché l'ha detta Luttazzi. Qui non si parla di fare qualche omaggio qua e là, si parla, a volte, di inserire pezzi interi. Se non è patetico questo, allora non so cosa sia;Non riesco a credere tu stia dicendo una cosa del genere. Sembri conoscere questo video da un po'. Io lo conosco da quanto, tre giorni?

Eppure, in tre giorni, ho scoperto che esiste un blog, me lo sono spulciato, e ho trovato paginate di battute copiate, spudoratamente, e senza l'autorizzazione dell'autore.

E il fatto che non ci sia autorizzazione è comprovato. Considerando anche il perché le inserisce, citarne l'autore originale subito dopo aver recitato la battuta farebbe cadere il motivo per cui la recita;Dai, è come guardare un ladro colto in fragrante che ti sta rubando qualcosa in casa e che ti dice "Io?

Volevo solo vedere se eri attento! Ma è proprio questo il problema. L'avesse ammesso, avesse detto fin da subito che lo poteva fare, non sarebbe stato mica un problema.

Invece ha inventato questa faccenda della caccia al tesoro guardati la storia della cronologia del blog e dimmi se non ti viene da piangere. Se la battuta prevede una premessa più o meno lunga e comunque, non mi è sembrato di vedere che vada oltre il mezzo minuto , è ovvio che lui reciti anche quella premessa, perché fa parte della battuta, altrimenti la battuta in sè non avrebbe senso;Papale papale.

È una scusa del cazzo. Non posso copiare un pezzo intero dei Rolling Stones solo perché "tre note non significherebbero niente". Non lo copio e basta. Vedi, c'è una differenza fondamentale. I Simpson ammettono di citare, e non si inventano improbabili cacce al tesoro. E se mandi una mail ad Homer, quello non ti dice che è lui a scrivere le sceneggiature dei film che riportano sue frasi. È questo "siete patetici" che mi mette tristezza. Ma ancor di più il "gli ha voltato le spalle". Sei fanboy, e della specie peggiore.

Fai parte di quel gruppo di persone che negherebbe la verità cosa che, del resto, stai facendo solo perché apprezza una persona. Bene, nessuno ti dice che sia cambiato qualcosa. Finché ti diverte guardatelo, e goditi spettacoli e battute. Ma non difenderlo a spada tratta.

Difendere qualcuno ad oltranza è, davvero, una delle cose più patetiche che ci siano. E spero tu non abbia intenzione di farlo. Il passo è troppo lungo? Andiamo, non prendiamoci per il culo. Ha dichiarato esplicitamente che tutte le sue battute sono originali. Per dirla alla Illuminato, tutte. Che non sarebbe neppure in grado di recitare una battuta altrui. Nessuno lo accusa di non saper scrivere battute. Ma di aver mentito al suo pubblico.

Che è una cosa gravissima. Tempo fa avevo sul mio canale di Youtube due spezzoni meno di 2 minuti in totale tratti dal suo spettacolo "Satyricon".

Dopo alcune settimane mi furono cancellati, giustamente. Se tutti avessero fatto come me, o se qualcuno avesse caricato l'intero spettacolo in vari spezzoni, lui ne sarebbe stato danneggiato dato che quel monologo è in vendita in un libro con dvd allegato. Vogliamo poi parlare delle minacce a wikiquote?

Quelle minacce legali sono vomitevoli proprio perchè fatte contro i suoi FANS! Chi si mette a curare una pagina con le citazioni dei suoi spettacoli? Non credo proprio, sono i suoi fans che apprezzano e stimano il suo lavoro e vogliono condividerlo con altre persone.

Intendiamoci, non dico che un autore debba essere contento se sul web pubblicano integralmente le sue opere dato che i suoi guadagni derivano da quelle, ma usare l'arma dell'intimidazione legale la stessa che in tanti hanno usato contro di lui contro i suoi stessi ammiratori che volevano creare una pagina di tributo al suo lavoro è una caduta di stile imperdonabile.

Riconosco di essere stato poco chiaro, e per questo mi scuso. Il mio "gli ha voltato le spalle", che effettivamente si presta a più interpretazioni, non voleva significare "l'avete tradito", come probabilmente tu l'hai inteso. Che io ammiri Luttazzi per quello che fa, qui nel forum è cosa nota. Approfondire perché, altra cosa nota, Luttazzi è stato più volte oggetto di censura, e le scuse accampate erano di volta in volta ridicole, prima fra tutte quella della volgarità.

Anche a me quel video ha colpito, ma poi ci ho riflettuto un po', e ho trovato le incongruenze che ho poi spiegato qui. Altri che in passato hanno dichiarato di ammirarlo, invece, anziché cercare di capire meglio la cosa, l'hanno accettata subito senza riserve.

Ecco da dove viene il mio attacco. Io non sono un fanboy di Luttazzi. In passato gli ho scritto critiche, anche aspre ovviamente stando nei limiti della buona educazione , su cui lui ha sempre risposto, perfino alla mia email personale. Tanto per farti un esempio, una delle critiche che gli rivolgo riguarda proprio la sua spiegazione sulla battuta nazista dei Griffin. Nella sostanza, e anche nella forma, sono pienamente d'accordo, tranne che per un punto, ossia quando lui scrive che non si possono fare certe battute "meno che mai in un cartone animato", come se il cartone animato fosse un mezzo meno potente del teatro o del cinema.

E dove sta scritto che un cartone animato deve necessariamente essere un prodotto per bambini? Come vedi quindi, non manco di criticare Luttazzi, quando trovo che ce ne sia motivo. Lui stesso, del resto, proprio nella parte in cui critica Bonolis, ha dichiarato che, quando era agli inizi dela carriera, sentire Benigni e Grillo quando ancora non era il populista che è adesso copiargli le battute, in qualche modo lo inorgogliva.

Avevo letto male il tuo post precedente. Pensavo ti riferissi appunto a parti degli spettacoli. Ora, non sapevo di Luttazzi sotto questa veste, e vedendo il video ho scritto la mia prima impressione, cioè il comportamento sgradevole nel dire "che proverebbe vergogna nel recitare battute di altri".

Io non ci avrei visto niente di male nelle citazioni, anzi. Invece ha preferito mentire facendo poi una figura demmerda. Ma qui dentro stiamo esagerando eh, capisco l'erezione dei berluschini nel trovare finalmente un pretesto per attaccare Luttazzi, ma andiamo, affermare che l'intera carriera di uno dei migliori autori satirici italiani sia basata totalmente su battute create da altri mi sembra un pelino esagerato.

Ma un pelino pelino. Cos'è, tutte le battute di Hicks su Bush le ha trasformate in battute su Berlusconi? Non vi sembra esagerato? Era per fare un esempio, ma il succo è questo.

Non credo che Luttazzi abbia basato la sua intera carriera sul plagio. Che poi parodiasse i film, anziché copiarli. Una vera parodia è questa, dell'unico autore satirico italiano veramente degno di questo appellativo, Corrado Guzzanti: Praticamente quella che per i fan quando non erano a conoscenza di questi fatti era da considerarsi l' anima della satira di Luttazzi.

Inoltre ti assicuro che in quel filmato postato manca sicuramente qualcosa, anzi mancano diverse cose. Solo che non ho voglia di farti un elenco completo, quello lo trovi nei blog che sono linkati e leggi anche i commenti. E di "citazioni" ne saltano fuori di nuove periodicamente. Stringi stringi, insomma, è difficile essere ottimisti su quanto rimane di buono della creatività di Luttazzi. E al di là di tutto rimane il fatto che data la reazione ipocritica e censurabile gli servirebbe un mezzo miracolo, per farsi almeno in parte perdonare.

Intanto, dovrebbe scusarsi piuttosto che continuare ad accampare scuse ridicole Sono citazioni! No sono invece delle precauzioni prese a fini legali!

Sono d' accordo invece sul fatto che la ottica in cui deve essere vista la censura che lo ha colpito in Rai2 e La7 non deve cambiare, visto gli evidenti motivi politici e ideologici che l' hanno fatta scattare. Quella censura rimane assolutamente riprovevole, ma, senza mettere in mezzo paragoni di sorta, piuttosto riprovevole è anche il modo in cui Luttazzi si è impegnato per far oscurare certi video. Agorà sembra diventata la sagra dei fake. Non potreste darci un taglio, di grazia?

Lo sapevo io che la Tamaro aveva ragione. Non starei tanto a preoccuparmi delle opinioni di Susanna Tamaro. Va' dove ti porta il clito è una parodia. A prescindere dalle circostanze, non è ammissibile esprimersi con toni simili. Vale come segnalazione per flame. A me, prima, Luttazzi risultava ogni tanto, nemmeno sempre piacevole. Adesso no, mi sembra solo una faccia buffa e un po' penosa. Le battute prese "in prestito" non sono semplicemente quanche battuta da montarci 20 minuti di filmato su ore e ore di satira fatta in TV e al teatro Beh, non solo le battute sono il biglietto di presentazione, ma anche il modo di porle, la recitazione.

Logico, come tutti del resto. Bill Hicks, nel suo famoso intervento allo show di Letterman, poi censurato, ha recitato un intero monologo non di certo inedito. Certo che lo tengo in conto, ma mi sembra ugualmente esagerata la reazione di molti che prima osannavano e ora disprezzano.

Certo, come molti ho provato sorpresa nello scoprire tutta 'sta storia, ma di certo non la vedo cosi nera. Sicuramente mi ha fatto ridere, e nonostante questo mi farà ridere anche quando farà altri monologhi o libri. Questo abbiamo e questo ci teniamo. Mi ha fatto più """""male"""""" sentirgli dire determinate cose, che non il fatto che abbia copiato. Quella censura rimane assolutamente riprovevole, ma.. Questo non è da mettere in dubbio.

Solo un coglione decerebrato lo farebbe. A me pare che Luttazzi non brilli nemmeno in questo. Quei comici americani, fatta eccezione forse per Chris Rock, le sanno recitare molto ma molto meglio.

Talvolta Luttazzi parla talmente velocemente da mangiarsi le parole, sembra davvero una macchinetta. Io credo che ad esserci rimasti male siano soprattutto i suoi fan, che chiaramente si sentono presi per il culo.

Francamente a me non sono mai piaciute le sue esternazioni politiche, perché non la penso come lui, ma le ho sempre giustificate in virtù di come è stato trattato a pesci in faccia. Le sue battute invece le ho quasi sempre trovate esileranti — e ora vengo a sapere che buona parte di esse, quelle che mi hanno fatto più ridere, sono rubate? La trovo una reazione perfettamente lecita e condivisibile. Credo che qua rientrino i gusti. A me piace il suo modo di fare satira, come parla, come si muove, le sue espressioni.

Ma, ripeto, sono gusti. Si, ma mi sembra un magro contentino, a questo punto. Per uno che è sempre stato molto orgoglioso del suo lavoro autoriale, poi La quantità va valutata assieme alla qualità, anzi, spesso la prima cosa è di scarsa rilevanza rispetto la seconda.

Il peso specifico di certe battute copiate è molto elevato. Io credo che entrambe le cose sono state sgradevoli allo stesso modo. Sta storia del Luttazzi plagiatore è più vecchia del cucco ma ogni tanto torna alla ribaltà spacciandola per novità,nel caso specifico presumo che questa discussione sia nata a seguire dell'articolo pubblicato recentemente su Il Giornale,in cui veniva citato un video diffuso su internet alcuni giorni fa.

Potete trovare un sunto di come sono andate le cose sul sito satirico www. Le battute "citate" da Luttazzi sono veramente tante,oltre a quelle inserite nel video ce ne sono altre di autori non citati,per farvi un'idea vi consiglio di cercare su internet comedysubs.

Lui si è sempre giustificato dicendo che si trattava di citazioni che gli servivano da una parte per proteggersi legalmente dall'altra era una sorta di caccia al tesoro per conoscitori di satira,secondo me quest'ultima è stata una scusa nata per pararsi il culo,ma è vero che esiste La caccia al tesoro e lo posso dire di persona perchè anni fa ho scoperto una battuta di Chavey Chasey nello spettacolo Satyricon del e come premio ho ricevuto un suo libro più cd con dedica che mi ha gentilmente spedito.

Quindi sta cosa vi posso assicurare che esiste,il problema secondo me è che non cita sul suo blog le battute che sono state già trovate.

Ho visto che molti stanno attaccando Luttazzi paragonandolo addirittura a Berlusconi,altri addirittura considerano Daniele indegno di apparire in tv,forse vi sorprenderà saperlo ma i comici che vedete in tv e coloro che fanno spettacolo in genere non fanno altro che rubarsi le idee e spacciare roba d'altri per frutto del proprio ingegno. Per cui cari signori se Luttazzi non è degno di stare in tv non lo è praticamente nessuno di quelli che fanno umorismo.

Capita a volte di trovare battute sulla palestra o nel forum di spinoza che sono simili tra loro,spesso si tratta di semplice casualità ma ci sono stati dei veri e propri furti che hanno generato delle liti,mi riferisco a qualche battuta postata su facebook da un blogger non c'entra spinoza e riproposti sulla palestra da alcuni "amici",altre volte capita che qualcuno invii una battuta ad entrambi i siti nella speranza di essere pubblicato,in questi casi Daniele c'entra poco in quanto ignaro di quello che viene scritto sul forum,comunque i moderatori di spinoza stanno sempre attenti a quello che viene pubblicato sulla palestra prima di preparare un nuovo post.

A parte che poi lo dite solo tu, Lutazzi e i suoi seguaci che le battute su Anna Frank sono fasciste ed è fascista chi ride. Seguendo questa linea di pensiero, chi ride alla battua del vibratore anale è un frocio Ma se ne è parlato abbastanza già tempo addietro.

Si ma c'è differenza fra citazione e plagio, porca vacca! Capisci questa basilare differenza? Esatto, cancella il nome di Luttazzi per favore, visto che ad aperte virgolette chiuse virgolette segue sempre il nome dell'autore, del padre della frase. E quella frase NON è di Luttazzi anche se ormai tutti credono che sia sua. Ah, l'autore di una frase è molto importante. Sai, è il modo di conoscere nuovi scrittori,artisti,musicisti,comici che altrimenti non conosceremmo mai.

Quindi cancella e smettila di scrivere menzogne e di fare disinformazione. A me sta cosa delle citazioni m'ha rovinato la reputazione televisiva. Meglio un comico copione o un giornalista coglione? Il caporedattore Massimiliano Lussana racconta male a pagamento quello che Mamma!

Per amore degli artisti "citati" dal comico romagnolo, e per rispetto ai comici morti che non possono difendersi da soli, hanno deciso di segnalare la cosa in rete con un video di comparazione tra Luttazzi e i suoi "ispiratori", introdotto da una premessa molto chiara: Luttazzi e' stato allontanato perche' il fratello del tuo padrone aveva in casa uno stalliere mafioso e Luttazzi lo ha raccontato in prima serata.

Le battute copiate sono solo una strumentalizzazione politica tra l'altro espressamente vietata dalle tue fonti per attaccare chi ha parlato male del fratello del tuo capo. Insomma, alla fine di questo casino, stiliamo la nostra classifica di gradimento. Al primo posto delle cose che ci piace vedere c'e' Mamma! Al secondo c'e' Luttazzi che racconta battute di altri Al terzo e ultimo posto, come l'ultima tra le cose che vorremmo vedere, quella che ci fa piu' schifo e degrada maggiormente l'umanita' ci sono i quotidiani di famiglia del capo del governo che attingono finanziamenti pubblici mettendo le mani in tasca anche a chi non li compra e non li legge, e dall'alto di questa montagna di euro riescono a fare errori che perfino un giornaletto del liceo riuscirebbe ad evitare.

Lussana fino a oggi non trovava motivazioni valide per l'allontanamento di Luttazzi, e io continuo a non trovare motivazioni valide per mantenere in piedi il suo giornale liberista con finanziamenti assistenzialisti in stile Pravda sovietica. Ahahaha ma che sito stupendo e' questo mamma!

Chiariamo, la censura non è mai giusta, ma qui la questione è un'altra: Luttazzi si è confermato un pessimo artista, una pessima persona, un ingannatore. Alla luce di questo "nuovo" luttazzi, ci sono comunque persone ancora peggiori sotto ogni profilo che conducono in TV. Luttazzi è stato censurato per motivi politici, ed è riprovevole. Qui si discute del plagiatore Luttazzi, ed il posto in cui l'ho catalogato nel mio sgabuzzino mentale: Le nostre 10 domande a Luttazzi e la sua risposta Caro Daniele, ho visto un video realizzato dai tuoi ex fan che ti accusano di copiare le battute.

Non uno a caso: Ne sentivo palare da giorni ma non volevo crederci. Con i miei amici e colleghi, sembravamo lo staff di Marrazzo: Figurati se uno come lui. Ho letto qua e là il blog, e mi sono sentita come la moglie gelosa che cerca i bigliettini nelle tasche del marito perché ne ha trovato uno per sbaglio.

Non è in discussione la qualità artistica del tuo lavoro, mi dicevo, ma la tua onestà. Più andavo avanti a leggere e più trovavo alcune tra le battute che avevo amato di più. Ne ho trovate tante, e a quel punto era in ballo anche la qualità artistica, ma non me ne fregava niente, perché più banalmente mi chiedevo cose tipo: Non entro nel dettaglio, chi vorrà leggerà il blog e deciderà se indignarsi o fregarsene o difenderti lo fanno in molti.

Avevi ragione a dire che agli italiani piace prenderla nel sedere. Ti ho mandato cinque domande via mail, e un sms: Ti ho mandato una mail, riesci a rispondermi oggi? Non mi hai risposto né alla mail né al sms. Dieci domande per te. Come stanno le cose? I tuoi ex fan hanno realizzato un video che mette al confronto alcuni pezzi dei tuoi spettacoli con le parti a loro dire copiate, ma il video e il trailer vengono regolarmente e rapidamente rimossi da YouTube su richiesta della tua casa di produzione, ossia tua.

Luttazzi mi ha risposto via mail dopo le 23, quando il giornale era già in stampa. Ecco la sua risposta e la mia replica: Il video in questione è diffamatorio. Infatti non scopre nulla che ioi non abbia già detto da anni. Ad esempio sul mio blog nel e nel È un loro puntiglio, come il riportare la risposta basita di Emo Philips, il satirico dal quale riprendi molte battute sostenendo che fosse lui a usare i tuoi sketch Emo scrive ai ragazzi: È tutto nel blog, per chi avrà voglia di leggere.

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And by this time there's a line of students Xeroxing their books or whatever and I -- finally I Xerox the Heimlich. As I go back the guy says, "Put it back, now that you've used it. And as I leave, he says, "Thank you. I'm never coming to this barn again. Now by this time, my sister's almost purple from the chicken bone. I made a mistake on driving, I'm on second avenue and have to get to 8th avenue and I thought 'What street do I take to get from second to 8th?

They're dredging the car right now. And I heard giggling behind me and at first I don't mind,but the giggling continues. Finally I thought "What's so amusing? It's a good thing I heard them! Then I realized who was telling me this.

I've been at a hotel for a week, and I'm the only person here. It's like The Shining. The window opens only four inches to prevent suicide, which is great, unless they cancel Ally McBeal. Then they'll have to make it two inches. It's a nice hotel. They have videos you can rent. I saw Armageddon for the first time. What did you think? If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up.

You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way. With all that, why return to stand-up now? I just realized that I loved it, subconscious be damned. I'm going full hog with this thing and having a great time. I've been at this 26 years now: After a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients.

But I tell you, when I do the little comedy clubs, it makes me realize why I got into this racket in the first place: But now I can't, 'cause I'm married, so maybe I'll read more Gibbon. I can't even program my telephone, but those guys are like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like under-achievers.

Because of the stitches. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour I felt so embarrassed, you know. I was standing there at the Wailing Wall, like a moron, you know, with my harpoon I've never seen so many coffe shops in my entire life and so little reason to stay awake. And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. Did you know a single fur coat takes 14 trees just to make the protest signs? Luttazzi's version is about Berlusconi instead of "americans" I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore..

The joke works as well, maybe even better: My god has a bigger dick than your god! Here's a human interest story about man's best friend. It seems that 63 years old James [surname] was asleep last week in his down town motel room.

He awekened to the sound of a dog barking. When he awoke the room was full of smoke and he could not see. The dog let him out of the room, down the hall and into an elevator shaft where he plunged eight stories to his death. Seems it wasn't his dog. Mosquito and flies because they're pests. Lions and tigers because it's fun. Chickens and pigs, 'cause we're hungry. Pheasants and quales and whales, because it's fun and we're hungry. And people, we kill people, 'cause they're pests!

The joke about capital punishment where you can bet about which hole the head once separated from the body will roll into starting from a hill. You take the entire state of Kansas and you move everybody out. You give the people a couple of hundred dollars apiece for their inconvenience, but you get them out. Next you put a foot-high electric fence around the entire state, and Kansas becomes a permanent prison farm for violent criminals. No police, no parole, no supplies; the only thing you give them is lethal weapons and live ammunition.

So they can communicate in a meaningful manner. Then you put the whole thing on cable TV. And think of how happy the cat must be. Have you ever been sitting in a rail road train in a station and there's another train right next to you.

And one of them starts to move and you can't tell which one it is. Picture Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig. Doesn't this violate some law of physics? We've been on the ground barely four seconds and she's comin' on like the fucking mayor's wife.

It's physically impossible to sneeze while pissing. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with.

If they say as many times as you like, ask for a lawn bag. Come back the next day with a small truck. Tell them you weren't quite finished eating the night before. You're actually within your legal rights, because, technically, no one is ever finished eating. At least not without a couple of follow-up questions: Carlin, quasi 9 minuti di routine ricuciti in 2 domande di Satyricon And you know, in this country, now there are alot of people who want to expand the death penalty to include drug dealers.

This is really stupid. Drug dealers aren't afraid to die. They're already killing each other every day on the streets by the hundreds. The bankers, who launder, the drug money. Forget the dealers, you want to slow down that drug traffic, you got to start executing a few of these fucking bankers.

White, middle class Republican bankers. And I'm not talking about soft, American executions, like lethal injection. I'm talking about fucking crucifixion folks! Let's bring back crucifixions. Like Saint Peter, feet up, head down. I'd have naked upside-down crucifixions on TV once a week at halftime on the Monday Night Football game! The Monday Night Crucifixions! You'd have people tuning in, don't even care about Football! Wouldn't you like to hear Dan Dierdorf explain why the nails have to go in at a certain angle?

And I'll guarantee you one thing. You start execut- you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross, you're going to see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. Pretty fucking quick- you won't even be able to buy drugs in schools and prisons anymore!

What we really need is year-round capital punishment on TV every night with sponsors. I'm sure as long as we're killing people Marlboro Cigarettes and Dow Chemical would be proud to participate! Balance the stupid fucking budget!! Beheadings on TV, slow-motion, instant replay? And maybe you could let the heads roll down a little hill.

And fall into one of five numbered holes. Let the people at home gamble on which hole the head is going to fall into. That would be nice. And it would take a good God damn long time. There's a lot of good things we could be doing. You shoot a guy out of a high-speed catapult Trouble is, it would be over too quick. No good for TV, you know? You'd have to do a whole bunch of guys right in a row. Fifteen catapults, while you're shooting off one, you're loading up the others.

I sense some of yous are waiting for hi-tech. You take a small, tactical nuclear weapon You talk about fallout, huh? You ever have to fart on a bus, or an airplane, or some sort of public place So you didn't really know You only knew there was lots of it. In a situation like that, what you have to do You have to arrange to release, quietly and in a carefully controlled manner, about ten to fifteen percent of the total fart.

In order to determine if those around you can handle it! Or, or if in fact, you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency. When releasing a test fart, it is often good to engage in an act of subterfuge such as reaching for a magazine. In fact, in an odd way, it's rather pleasant. I think they ought to enjoy the rest of this baby. But I was before I went there.

Then he tells you that if he wriggles in a certain way it looks like she's wipin' her ass. And it makes for wonderful theater. They'd fall back on Well, it's a mystery. Oh thank you, father! A mystery, of course, what's he talking about? Indeed, for the last six weeks, my feet were sticking out. She was the only woman in the neighborhood who had maternity shoes.

But she told me I was a big help when it came to climbing stairs. I think if they want to liven up these races, what they ought to do is have one guy driving in the wrong direction. But instead, they look like science fiction monsters, so it's OK.

All this travelling, all this moving from town to town, living out of a suitcase. It's a hard life for anyone to comprehend. It's really going to take one very special woman. Or a lot of average women. Commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. You know we armed Iraq.

I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: It's not … I'm not a fucking conspiracy nut, it's provable.

A handful, a very small elite, run and own these corporations, which include the mainstream media. I have this feeling that whoever is elected president, like Clinton was, no matter what you promise on the campaign trail — blah, blah, blah — when you win, you go into this smoke-filled room with the twelve industrialist capitalist scum-fucks who got you in there. And you're in this smoky room, and this little film screen comes down … and a big guy with a cigar goes, "Roll the film.

And then the screen goes up and the lights come up, and they go to the new president, "Any questions? Not only do I think pot should be legalized, I think it should be mandatory.

Think about it, you get in traffic behind somebody. Leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room, surrounded by strangers. Put'em in the movies! You want your grandmother dying like a bird in some hospital room?

Did you see that? Did you see my Grammy? Then the credits rolled. Don't try an' talk for me please. Don't blink, you might miss the plot. Nothing but pussy - did y'all know that? Swear to God, one-eighth of a second of plot, the rest of the film: A 50 minutes show which Luttazzi plagiarized almost entirely. Some others are from "Guilty as charged".

How did you like cock-mongers? Wanna see the video of you jerking off to that movie? What if it got stuck and then the plumber came over: You've got a german sheppard in your toilet. Can I use your phone for a minute? So, we're at the vet and There is no such thing. When it's time, it's time. That's like duck tape on somebody's mouth when he's gonna puke! That shit doesn't work! If the woman says "ehy what about a blowjob tonight?

Schimmel vs Wife] "I'd like to fuck your sister.. So, I'm on the floor fucking this thing Is this what you wanted to do to me??? All it does is making it smell like someone shitted in the woods. Luttazzi's joke is about Fabio Fazio and a horse, but it's the same joke For 50 million dollars I'd suck Tyson's dick on tv in front of my parents. I would, right on tv, I don't give a shit. You can spend a million on mouthwash and have a really nice life.

And then you get there and they have clowns riding on the back of dolphins and whales jumping through fire hoops.

Like this is what you see when you go to the beach! But she wants to get something to eat, my daughter, and I take her to the snack bar and they serve Filet-O-Fish! What the fuck, what are these, the acts that screw up? My brother scuba-dives, he goes: You need to look in the dictionary, pal! It really bothers when he shears my leg off to the hip. I find it very bothersome to get back to shore with my torso snapped in half.

What if he wasn't even gonna attack you? What if he's just curious, he's swimming by and you: What d'you do that for? I was gonna let you go, bu the other sharks are watching, it doesn't look good now! You gotta work out some place else before you can go to this place! Bestsellers Oscar Mondadori, , pag. Oh, what if your brain lived for a minute after your head came off? Hey, that's my shirt. Fuck, my head's off.

Oh, that's pretty fucked up The day she blows some guy and he goes: Yeah, my dad showed me how to do it! It looks real romantic. It's like 25 bucks, you smell on horse farts for half an hour.

It burns so bad I came this close to stick a Popsicle up my ass. Time-Life book A guy jumped out of an airplane, chute didn't open, fell feet and lived to tell the story, Well, I wanna heard that story!

She [my daughter] goes: They don't say it's in the vicinity, roughly etc. They brand it right into the side of the carton. Ever had milk after THE day? Scares the hell out of you, right? The spoon is trembling as it comes out of the bottle Maybe the cow tipped them off. I enjoy tiny soap. I pretend that it's normal soap and my muscles are huge. Luttazzi's version is a bit different: Why do you want the smell there?

I think once a woman's got her nose in your armpit, the seduction's pretty much over. Skipping Towards Gomorrah, My proof that homosexuality is not a choice? A question for my straight male readers: Is there anything I could do or say or write that would convince you to willingly, happily, eagerly, anxiously, deliriously, lustfully put my dick in your mouth and leave it there until I had an orgasm?

I rest my case. But 60 million years before that, god created the dinosaurs using the image of his cousin Ted. I'm Jesus, the son of god I've come to read you the stuff for my father's folk, which I hope we're going to publish soon It's called the holy "bible" [ What about "blessed all the huge scary monsters for they should doubtlessy inheirt the world, unless something awful happens with the temperature They treated me worse than the fuckin' dinosaurs!

God damn it, they nailed me [.. Always talking about the size of their fishes] Jesus: I said well it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich to get into heaven. That was pretty surreal of you. Well, I'd been smoking a bit that day But the rich, they got huge blenders and they put camels into them, and they sprayed them, through very fine jets, through the eyes of needles. So they're all coming up now.

I'm sorry if I didn't transcribe everything, but it was simply too long [the joke with lassie communicating impossible things through barks] Lassie: Lost in the desert? He romps out, jumps in a motorbike, knocks a guy off, and within 15 minutes, he's in the borders of Switzerland. This is from Poland! Also, if you're in a restaurant and you're choking to death, you can say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver.

The trouble is, it's very difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death. Right…" I don't know how you remove a hymen No, Heimlich maneuver,developed by Dr. Heimlich who woke up one night, obviously, and went, "A fist, a hand, hoocha hoocha hoocha I'm you're husband, for fuck's sake! Loosen up, don't be so bloody Prussian.

My name is going to be famous in restaurants! I don't think it was snaps fingers a wing and a prayer, I think he must have experimented. He was German, organized. German accent "Ok, Hans, I want you to swallow this golf ball I will now make you breath with the cunning use of Hans coughing throughout, as Dr Heimlich smacks him "Must be a combination.

No, ok… " "Ok, two frying pans… Frying pan in the bollocks… Bollocks stop… "Frying pan…" Hans collapses to thefloor "Oh, he's dead. It's not really a maneuver at the moment. It's more of a gesture. You can't just fall into it. There's others, like taxidermist. You can't go, "I was working in a chip shop, then I started stuffing animals with sand. I wanna fill animals with sand. I want to get more sand into an animal than anyone's ever bloody got in an animal.

I want to fill a rat with the entire Gobi desert so it's really quite tight. I'm doing this one with porridge. You've got a two-level effect. There's no height restriction. Do you want it here?

Oh, right, I see. With that fixed expression. So Noah started to saw up pieces of wood to make the ark. And so Henry the 8th - who was Sean Connery, for this film: I will set up the And Neil stepped on the Moon and said, "One small step for man, a giant leap for mankind. I bet that was just given to him and he was coming down the steps going, "Small step for man, a giant leap for mankind.

Small step for man, a giant leap for mankind. Don't get it wrong, Neil. Don't fuck it up. You can't land on the Moon and go: So he could've been there saying, "Hi, people on the Moon. As you can see, the Sea of Tranquility here, there's the mountains in the distance, there's the Earth!

There, you're looking back up at yourselves there. Get off my leg! The monster's got me! He's got my hand up behind my back. I think he knows jiu-jitsu! He wants cash for the release of my life. TWO million dollars, leave it in a bag by the Sea of Tranquility. I don't know, the North Shore! What the fucking hell? We can't even deal with that! You know, we think if somebody kills someone, that's murder, you go to prison. You kill 10 people, you go to Texas, they hit you with a brick - that's what they do.

And over that, we can't deal with it, you know? Someone's killed , people, we're almost going: You killed , people? You must get up very early in the morning. I can't even get down the gym! Your diary must look odd: So what could be more surprising than the First Battalion Transvestite Brigade? They've got guns, they've got guns!

Jesus, take my gun! I was so surprised, were you surprised, I was surprised! Mars the red planet. It came so close to the earth and if stood out on top of your house with an extended car aerial, and you had a frog on the end of it who had a long tongue who had a stick insect on the end of that and the stick insect was holding one of those tape measures you had, when you would click it off, and you used as a sword, when you were a kid and it kept going poomf, and you and it would go poomf.

And you could make it a certain size, and poomf, and if you had all that and you waggled it around, You could almost touch mars, If you were mad! Enigmatic's just a big word that's all glum. She's glum, she's… And they X-rayed the painting and there's different earlier versions underneath it. The first version of the Mona Lisa was much more mimes very big smile. The second one was mimes sexy look Sexy Lisa! And the last one was Moaner Lisa, "You fucking finished?

Have you fucking finished? Fucking - I've been here 15 fucking years…" But he did other paintings, like he did that guy in the bowler hat with an apple in the face, that's his. And the one of lilies which is all blurry, that blurry lily one. And he did a couple of Pissaros, one or two Lautreqs. And he also made weapons of war, and pictures of anatomy. And he invented a helicopter that did not work. And so did I! Yeah, did not work!

I accept your applause for my crap invention. For it had a lawnmower engine, it was made out of wood and string, and it went under water. My helicopter went under water… on paper. But then the paper would get wet and, you know, a helicopter that just exists on paper - it needs to fly in the air.

And I'm trying to make this work as a joke… and it won't. Cannibals say that human flesh tastes of chicken, so babies must taste of chicken. And chicken tastes of humans. And they smoke dope as well! How do they have time? And that's why everything happened slap-bang in F - Italy. But they had a French name. It gave them a certain Je ne sais quoi , a certain savoir faire, a certain détante.

A certain vie de la Dordogne. Supposed to be the Spanish Casual Chat. He is one with the ladies. Why do you wish to know? And he goes round in a Popemobile, and the only other person who does that is Batman, who goes round in a Batmobile. Leap into the Popemo…" dramatic music impression "Put those candles out!

Look out, Popeman, vampires coming! I said, "Well, what do you need? I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

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Femme amatrice wannonce bordeaux Ma neanche il sito va bene, neanche le citazioni in firma vanno bene, neanche per un attimo si percepisce il fastidio che deriva dallo sfoggiare una frase che in realtà non è dell'autore che pensiamo. Il problema che per due email ho sollevato è che una citazione non dovrebbe branlette en voiture escort fougères aumentare la popolarità del comico che la fa. I was gonna let you go, bu the other sharks are watching, it doesn't look good now! I'm also not sure about Chris Rock, these two jokes come after And you could make it a certain size, and poomf, and if you had all that and you waggled it around, You could almost touch mars, If you were mad! Let's take for example Hicks who died of cancer in
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Asian blowjob escort girl fontainebleau Sempre per dirla con Luttazzi: You're actually within your legal rights, because, technically, no one is ever finished eating. Have you fucking finished? We can't even deal with that! Ha solo raccontato la battuta sulla mosca, semmai ha plagiato Carlin anche se l'avesse scoperta nel tuo spettacolo, comunque avrebbe plagiato Carlin. No police, no parole, no supplies; the only thing you give them is lethal weapons and live ammunition.

Siccome allora un sacco di gente ci è rimasta male, bisogna continuare con questa farsa per evitare di spiegare la situazione. Scusa, ma hai visto il video fino alla fine? Con Luttazzi che ce l'ha con Bonolis perché questo ha detto una "sua" battuta senza citarlo?

Peccato che 1 la battuta non fosse manco sua 2 non mi pare che lui abbia citato l'autore vero, ne in quel caso ne mai. Insomma, una bella faccia di merda. E quella delle citazioni inserite come caccia al tesoro è chiaramente una minchiata che si è inventato. Attento che stai rivalutando Berlusconi. StefOmega, io dubiterei anche della paternità di quella frase di Luttazzi che hai in firma.

Senti, StefOmega, quel link che ti ho dato porta ad una sola pagina, ma non significa che tu debba evitare di esplorare il blog.. Fallo e poi ne riparliamo. Peccato che lui non abbia mai dichiarato nulla del genere. Il bando della "caccia al tesoro" è posteriore alle prime segnalazioni di plagio, anche se il pinocchio de facto pure ha alterato le date di pubblicazione.

Questa sua modifica, tra l'altro, è visibilissima nella cronologia del blog. Per il resto, prescindendo da ogni caccia al tesoro e volendo pure ignorare tutte le maldestre scopiazzate della papera con la dizione asmatica, la parte finale del video quella su Bonolis, già citata da Makaveli è, da sola, sufficiente a sbugiardarlo per intero. Ah, non l'avevo notata! Vatti a vedere il video in questione, in cui spiega il motivo per cui gli ha dato fastidio che Bonolis abbia utilizzato quella battuta a Striscia la notizia, poi magari ne riparliamo.

Quanto alle citazioni inserite come caccia al tesoro, sarà una minchiata per te, ma io la trovo una spiegazione plausibile, Diciamoci la verità, tu e i tuoi non aspettate altro che stronzate come questa per gettare merda su Luttazzi. Ma vi capisco anche, dato che date credito a gente come Feltri, che colleziona una dopo l'altra condanne per calunnie nei confronti di Di Pietro, che calunnia a più riprese nel suo quotidiano, inventandosi di sana pianta accuse e falsi scandali che poi vengono puntualmente smentiti.

Con quella battuta, insomma, MacFarlane si mette dalla parte dei potenti, e deride i deboli, e questa non è più satira, che invece fa esattamente il contrario. Mi dispiace per voi se la pensate diversamente. La figura del berluschino la stai facendo solo tu. E tu qui che lo difendi. Cosa mi ricorda 'sta cosa? E la citazione che hai in firma non è di Lutazzi. Ovviamente rubata pure quella. Bel wall of text di cazzate.

Ma che due palle. La storia delle battute rubate è una stronzata bella e buona, quel video lo conosco, e pure bene. E quanto alla battuta in firma, l'avrei inserita anche se l'avesse detta Berlusconi, èerché è una sacrosanta verità. Volete che cancelli il nome in firma? Nessun problema, ma la battuta in sè è geniale, chiunque l'abbia detta. Quanto al wall of text di cazzate, sei pregato di spiegarmi perché sarebbero tali.

Porta altri argomenti, quelli non vanno bene! Ma neanche il sito va bene, neanche le citazioni in firma vanno bene, neanche per un attimo si percepisce il fastidio che deriva dallo sfoggiare una frase che in realtà non è dell'autore che pensiamo.

Non va bene niente. Va bene solo Luttazzi, Luttazzi il mimo scemo. Analogamente fa lui con le battute che inserisce; Ti sbagli, ha continuamente ripetuto di non aver mai rubato battute e che un comico strozzerebbe un altro nel caso avvenisse una cosa simile.

SECONDO Il video dura all'incirca 40 minuti, che, tolti i titoli e le battute originali che hanno una durata più lunga, se notate bene , ossia, lasciando soltanto le parti recitate da Luttazzi, diventano più o meno una ventina.

TERZO Alla luce di questo fatto, la spiegazione che dà Luttazzi della vicenda inserirle di nascosto per vedere chi le trova è ben più plausibile che non affermare trattarsi di una semplice scusa per pararsi il culo, cosa che in molti, qui, avete fatto, e le accuse di ipocrisia che gli avete mosso sono false e gratuite.

Considerando anche il perché le inserisce, citarne l'autore originale subito dopo aver recitato la battuta farebbe cadere il motivo per cui la recita; La scusa è abbastanza debole e non credo avrebbe il consenso di tutti quei comici che ha sfruttato per la sua presunta "iniziativa" la caccia al tesoro.

Se la battuta prevede una premessa più o meno lunga e comunque, non mi è sembrato di vedere che vada oltre il mezzo minuto , è ovvio che lui reciti anche quella premessa, perché fa parte della battuta, altrimenti la battuta in sè non avrebbe senso; In questo caso si tratta di plagio, non di citazione. QUINTO Il video dura quaranta minuti 41, per l'esattezza , ed è un concentrato di battute in cui si mostra quella recitata da Luttazzi e poi quella originale dell'autore da cui lui l'ha tratta.

Sai la differenza tra "Citazione", "Parodia" e "Plagio"? Ah, anche la battuta di Piero Esposito è stata copiata. Vedo che ognuno continua a esporre le proprie tesi. Quanto alla battuta di Piero Esposito, che non fosse sua lo sto scoprendo soltanto ora, e direi che il responsabile è Piero Esposito.

O forse anche in questo caso è di Luttazzi, reo di non aver verificato la fonte? A proposito, di chi è? Sto provando a ricordare, appena mi viene in mente te lo dico. Guarda che i primi a essere rimasti delusi da Luttazzi sono proprio i suoi fan.

Io non ne ero un grande stimatore, ma pure io ho scoperto che la sua battuta sull'eiaculazione precoce che ritenevo geniale era una "citazione". E poi come giustifichi tutte le dichiarazioni di Luttazzi sul fatto che lui non direbbe mai battute scritte dagli altri, che i comici possono farsi di tutto ma non copiarsi le battute? Caccia al tesoro anche quella?

Quello sui Simpson era un esempio. Se mettessimo insieme tutte le citazioni che appaiono nella serie, ne risulterebbe un filmato di almeno tre ore se non anche più lungo , e si sarebbe portati a pensare che Matt Groening non sappia fare altro che copiare.

Chi conosce il cartone animato, invece, saprebbe che si tratterebbe di citazioni inserite tutte insieme in un unico filmato.

Allo stesso modo, se si guarda il filmato in questione, si è portati a pensare che le battute di Luttazzi siano tutte copiate, mentre invece quello non è altro che un collage di 20 minuti, ottenuto spulciando decine e decine di ore di suoi monologhi e spettacoli.

Anche io sono rimasto inizialmente colpito, poi mi sono detto "20 minuti su ore e ore". Il mio era un esempio, trovo davvero sorprendente dover stare qui a spiegarlo per evitare fraintendimenti.

Infatti nel mio psto me la sono presa più che contro altri, proprio contro chi, qui dentro, si professa suo fan. Quanto alle dichiarazioni di Luttazzi sull'autenticità delle battute, ha pienamente ragione.

E inserirne una non sua in un monologo di due ore e mezza come una caccia al tesoro non lo rende incoerente, nè ipocrita. Insomma, Luttazzi non porta a teatro monologhi altrui tradotti e spacciandoli per suoi, sia ben chiaro. Tra l'altro Stef vai su youtube per constatare la censura portata avanti da Luttazzi nei confronti dei video che mostrano i plagi, con la Krassner che fa eliminare per motivi di copyright qualsiasi video sull'argomento The one with Van Gogh picture donated anonimously to a museum and him who goes to the front deks and says "I'm the anonimous doner and I want it back!

Well, I remember that song: And I start whispering [makes sound of whisper]. And I feel a hand around my neck and a voice "thanks, I thought I'd never find you in the dark". I went to grammar school and once we were taking a test and I was copying this other kid's paper, and I guess the teacher heard my xerox machine.

She said, "Emo, am I stupid or were you cheating? And I go to the psychologist and he says: I eat the chocolate bunny and I think "Wait a second. This isn't around Easter. Was this some test? I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets. I said, "Don't do it! Do you believe in God?

Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist? A guy came over and asked if he could read my gas meter. Other than that tho, it's been a good day. I discovered my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!

You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. There are seven people in front of you. They are all old. They all have two carts and coupons for every item.

They are all paying by check. None of them have ID. It's the checkout girl's first day on the job. She doesn't speak any English. Take away fifteen minutes from that, and you begin to get an idea of what eternity is. I said, "I'd like a book on the Heimlich anti-choking maneuver," and the guy said, "look at the card catalog. I look under Heimlich and choking and maneuver. It's not any of those places.

And I see this first aid book with the section and I take it and that guy said, "It's a reference book. You can't take it out; you have to Xerox it.

And by this time there's a line of students Xeroxing their books or whatever and I -- finally I Xerox the Heimlich.

As I go back the guy says, "Put it back, now that you've used it. And as I leave, he says, "Thank you. I'm never coming to this barn again. Now by this time, my sister's almost purple from the chicken bone. I made a mistake on driving, I'm on second avenue and have to get to 8th avenue and I thought 'What street do I take to get from second to 8th? They're dredging the car right now. And I heard giggling behind me and at first I don't mind,but the giggling continues.

Finally I thought "What's so amusing? It's a good thing I heard them! Then I realized who was telling me this. I've been at a hotel for a week, and I'm the only person here. It's like The Shining. The window opens only four inches to prevent suicide, which is great, unless they cancel Ally McBeal. Then they'll have to make it two inches.

It's a nice hotel. They have videos you can rent. I saw Armageddon for the first time. What did you think?

If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way. With all that, why return to stand-up now? I just realized that I loved it, subconscious be damned.

I'm going full hog with this thing and having a great time. I've been at this 26 years now: After a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients. But I tell you, when I do the little comedy clubs, it makes me realize why I got into this racket in the first place: But now I can't, 'cause I'm married, so maybe I'll read more Gibbon.

I can't even program my telephone, but those guys are like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like under-achievers. Because of the stitches. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour I felt so embarrassed, you know. I was standing there at the Wailing Wall, like a moron, you know, with my harpoon I've never seen so many coffe shops in my entire life and so little reason to stay awake.

And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette?

Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we're better than chickens.

See, nobody can do it! You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No, you don't see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? When's the last chicken you heard about come home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn't happen, 'cause chickens are decent people.

Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.

And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. You know how you can tell when a moth farts? When he suddenly flies in a straight line. Luttazzi's version is about Berlusconi instead of "americans" I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

Farts are shit without the mass. My god has a bigger dick than your god! Here's a human interest story about man's best friend. It seems that 63 years old James [surname] was asleep last week in his down town motel room. He awekened to the sound of a dog barking. When he awoke the room was full of smoke and he could not see. The dog let him out of the room, down the hall and into an elevator shaft where he plunged eight stories to his death.

Seems it wasn't his dog. Mosquito and flies because they're pests. Lions and tigers because it's fun. Chickens and pigs, 'cause we're hungry. Pheasants and quales and whales, because it's fun and we're hungry. And people, we kill people, 'cause they're pests!

The joke about capital punishment where you can bet about which hole the head once separated from the body will roll into starting from a hill. The idea about prisoners who all should live on an island in Carlin's joke it's the state of Kansas and be given arms so they can communicate. And the whole thing should be transmitted on cable tv. I don't remember the context Rapists those hopeless romantics Did you ever find youself in one of your house rooms and can't rememeber why you are in there?

Have you ever been sitting in a rail road train in a station and there's another train right next to you. And one of them starts to move and you can't tell which one it is.

Picture Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig. Doesn't this violate some law of physics? We've been on the ground barely four seconds and she's comin' on like the fucking mayor's wife.

It's physically impossible to sneeze while pissing. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I'd like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. If they say as many times as you like, ask for a lawn bag. Come back the next day with a small truck. Tell them you weren't quite finished eating the night before. You're actually within your legal rights, because, technically, no one is ever finished eating.

At least not without a couple of follow-up questions: Carlin, quasi 9 minuti di routine ricuciti in 2 domande di Satyricon And you know, in this country, now there are alot of people who want to expand the death penalty to include drug dealers.

This is really stupid. Drug dealers aren't afraid to die. They're already killing each other every day on the streets by the hundreds. The bankers, who launder, the drug money. Forget the dealers, you want to slow down that drug traffic, you got to start executing a few of these fucking bankers.

White, middle class Republican bankers. And I'm not talking about soft, American executions, like lethal injection. I'm talking about fucking crucifixion folks! Let's bring back crucifixions. Like Saint Peter, feet up, head down.

I'd have naked upside-down crucifixions on TV once a week at halftime on the Monday Night Football game! The Monday Night Crucifixions! You'd have people tuning in, don't even care about Football!

Wouldn't you like to hear Dan Dierdorf explain why the nails have to go in at a certain angle? And I'll guarantee you one thing. You start execut- you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross, you're going to see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. Pretty fucking quick- you won't even be able to buy drugs in schools and prisons anymore!

What we really need is year-round capital punishment on TV every night with sponsors. I'm sure as long as we're killing people Marlboro Cigarettes and Dow Chemical would be proud to participate! Balance the stupid fucking budget!! Beheadings on TV, slow-motion, instant replay? And maybe you could let the heads roll down a little hill.

And fall into one of five numbered holes. Let the people at home gamble on which hole the head is going to fall into. That would be nice. And it would take a good God damn long time. There's a lot of good things we could be doing. You shoot a guy out of a high-speed catapult Trouble is, it would be over too quick.

No good for TV, you know? You'd have to do a whole bunch of guys right in a row. Fifteen catapults, while you're shooting off one, you're loading up the others. I sense some of yous are waiting for hi-tech. You take a small, tactical nuclear weapon You talk about fallout, huh? You ever have to fart on a bus, or an airplane, or some sort of public place So you didn't really know You only knew there was lots of it.

In a situation like that, what you have to do You have to arrange to release, quietly and in a carefully controlled manner, about ten to fifteen percent of the total fart. In order to determine if those around you can handle it! Or, or if in fact, you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency.

When releasing a test fart, it is often good to engage in an act of subterfuge such as reaching for a magazine. In fact, in an odd way, it's rather pleasant. I think they ought to enjoy the rest of this baby. But I was before I went there. Then he tells you that if he wriggles in a certain way it looks like she's wipin' her ass. And it makes for wonderful theater. They'd fall back on Well, it's a mystery. Oh thank you, father! A mystery, of course, what's he talking about? Indeed, for the last six weeks, my feet were sticking out.

She was the only woman in the neighborhood who had maternity shoes. But she told me I was a big help when it came to climbing stairs. I actually did that act one night in the south. Then, after the show, these three rednecks came up to me.

We're Christians and we didn't like what you said. It's a bunch of little congregated cells. I'm sorry if anyone here is Catholic.

Gotta be one of the most ludicrous fucking beliefs ever. Like these vampire priests sink their twin fangs of guilt and sin into you as a child and suck your joy of life out of you the rest of your fucking existence. Wouldn't you like to see a positive LSD story on the news? To hear what it's all about, perhaps? Wouldn't that be interesting?

There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather. You remember Jim Fixx? This human cipher used to write books on jogging. Then this doofus goes out and has a heart attack and dies There is a God.

If he thought he could fly, why didn't he take off from the ground? This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years.

I have watched my crowds dwindle. I am going nowhere, and nowhere quick, but, those of you who have children, I am sorry to tell you this, but they are not special. I know some of you are going: I'm aware of that. I'm just here to tell you that they're not! Ha ha ha ha! Did you know that every time a guy comes, he comes two-hundred million sperm? Gee, what are the fucking odds?

Do you know what that means? I've wiped nations off of my chest with a grey gym sock. Entire civilizations have flaked and crusted in the hair around my navel! A Milkyway shoots into my jockeyshorts: Give him some more!

Let's see what else he pumps out! All this travelling, all this moving from town to town, living out of a suitcase. It's a hard life for anyone to comprehend. It's really going to take one very special woman.

Or a lot of average women. Commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: A handful, a very small elite, run and own these corporations, which include the mainstream media.

And then the screen goes up and the lights come up, and they go to the new president, "Any questions? Not only do I think pot should be legalized, I think it should be mandatory. Think about it, you get in traffic behind somebody. Leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room, surrounded by strangers.

Put'em in the movies! You want your grandmother dying like a bird in some hospital room? Did you see that? Did you see my Grammy? A 50 minutes show which Luttazzi plagiarized almost entirely.

Some others are from "Guilty as charged". How did you like cock-mongers? Wanna see the video of you jerking off to that movie? What if it got stuck and then the plumber came over: You've got a german sheppard in your toilet. Can I use your phone for a minute? So, we're at the vet and There is no such thing. When it's time, it's time. That's like duck tape on somebody's mouth when he's gonna puke! That shit doesn't work! If the woman says "ehy what about a blowjob tonight?

Schimmel vs Wife] "I'd like to fuck your sister.. So, I'm on the floor fucking this thing Is this what you wanted to do to me??? All it does is making it smell like someone shitted in the woods. Luttazzi's joke is about Fabio Fazio and a horse, but it's the same joke For 50 million dollars I'd suck Tyson's dick on tv in front of my parents.

I would, right on tv, I don't give a shit. You can spend a million on mouthwash and have a really nice life. And then you get there and they have clowns riding on the back of dolphins and whales jumping through fire hoops.

Like this is what you see when you go to the beach! But she wants to get something to eat, my daughter, and I take her to the snack bar and they serve Filet-O-Fish! What the fuck, what are these, the acts that screw up? My brother scuba-dives, he goes: You need to look in the dictionary, pal! It really bothers when he shears my leg off to the hip.

I find it very bothersome to get back to shore with my torso snapped in half. What if he wasn't even gonna attack you? What if he's just curious, he's swimming by and you: What d'you do that for? I was gonna let you go, bu the other sharks are watching, it doesn't look good now! You gotta work out some place else before you can go to this place! Bestsellers Oscar Mondadori, , pag. Oh, what if your brain lived for a minute after your head came off?

Hey, that's my shirt. Fuck, my head's off. Oh, that's pretty fucked up The day she blows some guy and he goes: Yeah, my dad showed me how to do it! It looks real romantic. It's like 25 bucks, you smell on horse farts for half an hour. It burns so bad I came this close to stick a Popsicle up my ass. Time-Life book A guy jumped out of an airplane, chute didn't open, fell feet and lived to tell the story, Well, I wanna heard that story!

If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge? They don't say it's in the vicinity, roughly etc. They brand it right into the side of the carton. Ever had milk after THE day? Scares the hell out of you, right?

The spoon is trembling as it comes out of the bottle Maybe the cow tipped them off. I enjoy tiny soap. I pretend that it's normal soap and my muscles are huge. Luttazzi's version is a bit different: Why do you want the smell there?

I think once a woman's got her nose in your armpit, the seduction's pretty much over. It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. If he ran unopposed he would have lost. Savage asked his readers to submit new definitions for the term; the winning definition was "that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

Luttazzi renamed "Santorum" to "giulianone". Giuliano Ferrara is a pro-life, pro-war, pro-Berlusconi, pro-torture etc. Skipping Towards Gomorrah, My proof that homosexuality is not a choice? A question for my straight male readers: Is there anything I could do or say or write that would convince you to willingly, happily, eagerly, anxiously, deliriously, lustfully put my dick in your mouth and leave it there until I had an orgasm?

I rest my case. But 60 million years before that, god created the dinosaurs using the image of his cousin Ted. I'm Jesus, the son of god I've come to read you the stuff for my father's folk, which I hope we're going to publish soon It's called the holy "bible" [ What about "blessed all the huge scary monsters for they should doubtlessy inheirt the world, unless something awful happens with the temperature They treated me worse than the fuckin' dinosaurs!

God damn it, they nailed me [.. Always talking about the size of their fishes] Jesus: I said well it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich to get into heaven. That was pretty surreal of you. Well, I'd been smoking a bit that day But the rich, they got huge blenders and they put camels into them, and they sprayed them, through very fine jets, through the eyes of needles.

So they're all coming up now. I'm sorry if I didn't transcribe everything, but it was simply too long [the joke with lassie communicating impossible things through barks] Lassie: Lost in the desert? He romps out, jumps in a motorbike, knocks a guy off, and within 15 minutes, he's in the borders of Switzerland.

This is from Poland! Also, if you're in a restaurant and you're choking to death, you can say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver. The trouble is, it's very difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death. No, Heimlich maneuver,developed by Dr. Heimlich who woke up one night, obviously, and went, "A fist, a hand, hoocha hoocha hoocha I'm you're husband, for fuck's sake! Loosen up, don't be so bloody Prussian.

My name is going to be famous in restaurants! I don't think it was snaps fingers a wing and a prayer, I think he must have experimented. He was German, organized. German accent "Ok, Hans, I want you to swallow this golf ball I will now make you breath with the cunning use of Hans coughing throughout, as Dr Heimlich smacks him "Must be a combination.

It's not really a maneuver at the moment. It's more of a gesture. You can't just fall into it. There's others, like taxidermist. You can't go, "I was working in a chip shop, then I started stuffing animals with sand. I wanna fill animals with sand. I want to get more sand into an animal than anyone's ever bloody got in an animal. I want to fill a rat with the entire Gobi desert so it's really quite tight. I'm doing this one with porridge.

You've got a two-level effect. There's no height restriction. Do you want it here? Oh, right, I see. With that fixed expression. So Noah started to saw up pieces of wood to make the ark. And so Henry the 8th - who was Sean Connery, for this film: I will set up the And Neil stepped on the Moon and said, "One small step for man, a giant leap for mankind. I bet that was just given to him and he was coming down the steps going, "Small step for man, a giant leap for mankind.

Small step for man, a giant leap for mankind. Don't get it wrong, Neil. Don't fuck it up. You can't land on the Moon and go: So he could've been there saying, "Hi, people on the Moon. As you can see, the Sea of Tranquility here, there's the mountains in the distance, there's the Earth!

There, you're looking back up at yourselves there. Get off my leg! The monster's got me! He's got my hand up behind my back. I think he knows jiu-jitsu!

He wants cash for the release of my life. TWO million dollars, leave it in a bag by the Sea of Tranquility. I don't know, the North Shore! What the fucking hell? We can't even deal with that! You know, we think if somebody kills someone, that's murder, you go to prison. You kill 10 people, you go to Texas, they hit you with a brick - that's what they do.

And over that, we can't deal with it, you know? Someone's killed , people, we're almost going: You killed , people? You must get up very early in the morning. I can't even get down the gym! Your diary must look odd: So what could be more surprising than the First Battalion Transvestite Brigade? They've got guns, they've got guns! Jesus, take my gun! I was so surprised, were you surprised, I was surprised! Mars the red planet.

It came so close to the earth and if stood out on top of your house with an extended car aerial, and you had a frog on the end of it who had a long tongue who had a stick insect on the end of that and the stick insect was holding one of those tape measures you had, when you would click it off, and you used as a sword, when you were a kid and it kept going poomf, and you and it would go poomf.

And you could make it a certain size, and poomf, and if you had all that and you waggled it around, You could almost touch mars, If you were mad! Enigmatic's just a big word that's all glum. The first version of the Mona Lisa was much more mimes very big smile. The second one was mimes sexy look Sexy Lisa! And the last one was Moaner Lisa, "You fucking finished? Have you fucking finished? And the one of lilies which is all blurry, that blurry lily one.

And he did a couple of Pissaros, one or two Lautreqs. And he also made weapons of war, and pictures of anatomy. And he invented a helicopter that did not work. And so did I! Yeah, did not work! I accept your applause for my crap invention. For it had a lawnmower engine, it was made out of wood and string, and it went under water. But then the paper would get wet and, you know, a helicopter that just exists on paper - it needs to fly in the air.

Cannibals say that human flesh tastes of chicken, so babies must taste of chicken. And chicken tastes of humans. And they smoke dope as well!

How do they have time? I said, "Well, what do you need? I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out. You can't have everything.

Where would you put it? I was over near the button, I pushed number four and I said: So I pushed 'Phoenix'. Now I'm going to tell you about the girl I'm seeing now.

The last week in August we went camping way up in Canada. We were laying around in the woods and stuff, and I don't know how she did it but she got poison ivy on her brain. And the only way she can scratch it is if she thinks about sandpaper. I was walking through the desert and a UFO landed, these little 1 inch tall guys got out and came over next to me. There was a power outage at a department store yesterday.

Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Last summer I drove cross-country with a friend of mine, we split the driving, we switched every half a mile.

The all way across we only had one cassette tape to listen to. The other side said, "Hello? He's only two months old. We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word.

Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is the first time I've gone skiing in ten years. Want to know why? Well, okay, you better tell me why. Now I have an extra xerox machine. I've been doing that every night for eight years; the rug hasn't moved an inch.

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